I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
