You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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