it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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