coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
