Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
