so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
