Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
