census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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