I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
