C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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