Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
