I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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