honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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