went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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