just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
