Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
