She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize