Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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