Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
