Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
