So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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