if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
