I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
