I hate your face
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
how drunk are you?
Several
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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