You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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