i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
