a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
