Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just pee around me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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