Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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