Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
