She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
