I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
