Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Randomize
