woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
