no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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