He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
