Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
