Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
