I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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