Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
