If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
