i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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