STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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