I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
if only i could text you this smell
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
