I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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