I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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