Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
