also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
