I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
