My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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