I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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