i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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