Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
