he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
