Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
